It’s a great quote, but sometimes, the present feels like a gift you wish you had the receipt for.
I know yesterday I had the sun shinin’ outta my ass, but this morning, I was one crabby bitch.
I’m not sure what it was – if it was the missed meditation, the sugary breakfast, the surprise two hours of babysitting, or a combo of all three – but I was seriously unpleasant.
I kept in mind yesterday’s post and shifted into the present moment…but the moment still sucked. My blood sugar was still crashing and I still had a 9 month-old wailing in my arms. I was still a crabby bitch.
But I was an aware bitch. I knew that the bad mood was temporary. I remembered the bliss of yesterday, and knew it would come again. Maybe not right then, maybe not even today, but sometime, I would feel great again.
Did this make me any less cranky? Not really. But it definitely stopped it from getting worse…Because instead of feeding the anger, getting carried away with my thoughts and escalating the situation, I became present. I repeated, “I’m so fucking crabby,” in the whiniest voice ever, and tried to enjoy the warm breeze despite the hot rage that permeated my being.
So why am I admitting this to you? Why am I advertising my less-than-positive side? Because we all have them. We all have our days, and we’re all crabby bitches sometimes. Despite my rampant idealism, I’m no different. Besides, I’ve learned a powerful lesson that I think you might like to hear too:
When you’re crabby, don’t try to fix it.
Don’t try to be happy when you’re pissed. Certainly don’t feed into it and make things worse…But also, don’t try to force happiness. Because if you’re mad, and you’re trying not to be, and it won’t go away…that’s gonna piss you off even more! It turns into a vicious cycle. I KNOW – been there, done that, only about a billion times.
Instead of refusing it, try recognizing your anger. Roll your eyes, stomp your feet, grumble in irritation (without getting carried away) – do what you must, but don’t run away from it. It will only follow you, and once it catches up, it’s gonna beat your ass. Might as well let it pinch and prod you for a little while. It’ll stop when it gets bored.
It took a little while for me…about 2 hours. But here I am now, peaceful and A-okay. The sun isn’t shining out of my ass or anything – actually, it’s currently shining in my eyes – but I’m fine. Edging on happy even.
So the next time you’re crabby, be crabby - but be aware of what you’re thinking and doing. Don’t make it out to be the end of the world, but don’t force false joy either. Feel how you feel. It’ll pass.
Peace, love and a steaming cup of Zen,