Are you an introvert or an extrovert? (Not sure? Click here to take the quiz.) 
Did your results annoy you as much as mine did?
I know I’m an introvert, but out of curiosity, I took the quiz. This is what I got:
100% Introvert:
You avoid people at all costs
You aren’t one for social interaction
And you limit your interaction to a select few
Thank God for self checkout!
Uh. Really now?
I absolutely resent that. Some of them have nuggets of truth, but are hidden behind unfair exaggeration. And this is the reason for my post.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there about introverts, and I’d like to clear the air.
Let’s start by defining introversion and extraversion. There are plenty of sites and in-depth articles that dive deeper into this, but I’m gonna make it easy.
It’s as simple as answering this question: When you’re in a social setting for a while, generally, how do you feel? Energized or depleted?
Energized: extrovert
Depleted: Introvert
If you’re still not sure, or would like more details, check out this link. Or this one.
If you’re an introvert – stellar, me too! Then this one’s for you. If you’re an extrovert, I’m not hatin’ – you’re totally welcome here. In fact, I’d love for you to read on and hear your take.
So you know, at the most basic, objective level, how introverts and extroverts differ.
I can’t speak from the shoes of an extrovert. (Well, I suppose I could slip into an extrovert’s shoes, but I don’t imagine that’d have the same effect…)
I don’t know what it’s like to be one. But I can give you a little perspective on life as an introvert.
Being an introvert can be hard, especially as a 24 year-old, supposedly in my partying prime.
Making new friends is quite the challenge - always ducking invites to go out to loud, crowded gatherings, when I’d rather go to a quiet, one-on-one dinner.
How about job interviews? Don’t even get me started. Just check out some recent job postings – how many of them are looking for a quiet, reflective individual who works well alone? ZE-RO. It’s all about extraversion – you gotta be outgoing, work well in groups, be a real go-getter.
Oh and dating? I’m glad to be out of that messy scene. Most men, especially my age, are not down for the introversion. You gotta know how to party, be a social butterfly, and stay out ’til the sun bids you goodnight.
Being an introvert, in itself, is draining. When the extroverts of the world expect you to party when all you wanna do is curl up and read a good book, that pressure can really get to you.
Can you relate?
I bet, then, that you can also relate to some of the crap-tastic “facts” you’ve heard about introverts. You know, these:
- Introverts are shy. Mmm, nope. Shy people are shy. An introvert could be shy, or vice versa, but one doesn’t necessarily indicate the other. Introverts aren’t necessarily afraid of interacting with others, they just like doing it in a different way.
- Introverts are boring. This is totally unfair. You know what I say? Different strokes for different folks. Maybe extroverts have a different idea of fun, but that doesn’t make me boring by default. I happen to think that introverts are fabulous and fascinating (biased, maybe?). So maybe we don’t go out all the time, or stay for the whole party – but when we’re there, we’re awesome.
- Introverts are anti-social. Maybe I don’t want to hang with friends every single day, but it doesn’t mean I never want to. Introverts like to be social too, just not all day every day.
- Introverts hate talking. False…ish. I don’t hate all talking. I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of small talk – too much of it is draining. But engage me in deep conversation on something I’m passionate about? Good luck shutting me up. It’s all about what kind of talking we’re doing. Introverts tend to be quiet because they don’t speak for the sake of speaking. We wait until we have something we really wanna say.
- Introverts are depressed. Maybe some are – but so are some extroverts. The assumption is that, because we’re quiet and withdrawn, we must be depressed. I’m glad to report that this is absolutely not true – I’m perfectly content, blissful even, when I’m alone with a good book. Nothin’ sad about it.
- Introverts are lonely. There’s a huge difference between alone and lonely. Lonely is when you want company but can’t find any, when you crave human connection but find yourself lacking. Introverts typically enjoy being alone – there’s nothin’ lonely about it to them.
- Introverts just need to get out more. Um, no, we don’t. In fact, we need to get out less. We absorb information quickly, and so easily become oversaturated and overstimulated. Getting out more is the opposite of what we need. Besides, this “factoid” suggests that we are “fixable.” Sorry, extraverted world, but there’s nothin’ to fix here. Shock therapy isn’t gonna change your nature, so please don’t try. (I’ve done it – it doesn’t go well.)
These are just a few of the myths that have plagued me for most of my life. Because of them, for a long time, I resented myself for being an introvert.
I thought there was something wrong with me – why couldn’t I stay out in a crowd until 2am? Why did I start getting spacey and withdrawn after a few hours?
As far as I was concerned, I was the worst 20-something ever.
That’s a thought I still sometimes battle. When I’m at a get-together and I clam up after a while, when I’d prefer to stay in and read on a Friday night…I start to beat myself up.
Whyyyy can’t I just be extraverted like everyone else?! my ego whines.
Because I’m not. And as I’ve learned, the comparison game isn’t doing anybody any favors.
I’ll just let them do their thing and I’ll do mine…even if that is playing the Sims 3 alone on a Saturday night. (guilty pleasure!)
Join me, friends, and bask in your introverted glory!
Peace, love and a steaming cup of Zen,
- K
p.s. I don’t want this to be an us-against-them kinda thing. Extroverts and introverts alike have unique contributions to make in this world. I just feel that my fellow introverts can be…misunderstood. And I wanted to offer some clarification. Extroverts out there, I love you too. 
I’m definitely an Extrovert with some very Introvert tendencies. That’s why in Myers-Briggs I consistently get either ENTJ or INTJ, depending on my mood at the time.
Of course it’s ridiculous to categorize people, and saying that all introverts are the same. What I have found from personal experience that because Introverts are generally quiet, it’s often uncomfortable for Extroverts too, because we have no idea what you are thinking, or feeling.
On my Extrovert side, I am very chatty and can speak to just about anyone, even in large groups. On my Introvert side, I love alone time, and prefer selective socialising. But I prefer to take a more “whole” approach, and focus on both as and when suited to the situation.
Sounds like you’ve got the best of both worlds!
I can appreciate your approach, because even my very Introverted self has moments/days of extraversion (though very rare).
I appreciate hearing the extrovert’s side – I never really thought my quietness would make the extroverts uncomfortable. I’m usually so darn uncomfortable myself that it just never crossed my mind!
Thanks for your input, Dolly!
Hey Kaylee, another great post! Way to stick up for the introverts!
Okay – full disclosure – I’m not one. I’m an ESFP on the Myers-Briggs. But I do need some shut-down time myself on occasion.
And I can really relate to you feeling like an oddball about not wanting to go out partying with other 20-somethings. I found my 20s to be really difficult because, while I wanted to be around people, I didn’t want it to be in a party setting and I didn’t know that yet. It took awhile for me to be okay with me.
Wait. I’m still working on that, too
I’m a certified MBTI practitioner and, when I took the training, I laughed at one of the exercises we did that helped us understand Introversion and Extraversion better. The trainer had us E’s on one side of the room and the I’s on the other side of the room and we were all discussing what it’s like for each type to be at a social function. The E’s, of course, were the first ones to start introductions while the I’s sat quietly in a corner.
The funny part came when one of the E’s said to the I’s, “Oh! I get it! Here I’ve always thought that person sitting in the corner was lonely and needed someone to talk to so I would bring someone over and introduce them. But that’s not what you want at all.”
And from across the room all the I’s shouted, “No! No! That’s the worst thing that could happen! We just want to be left alone!”
Hey there Bobbi!
Haha, that exercise sounds awesome. What a perfect way for the I’s and E’s to “get” one another. I think that’s all we need – a little understanding. Hence the post!
You’re a certified MBTI practitioner? That’s one of my favorite personality assessments…I’ve found it super accurate (I’m an INFP – could you have guessed?
) Thanks for the honesty – like I said, nothin’ but love here, even for the extroverts. Funny that the party scene was never your thing either – I guess there’s one myth busted on the extrovert side! I always assumed all E’s were party people.
I wonder what else I’m misunderstanding about the E’s…Hm..
Anywho, thanks for stoppin’ by. Glad to see you again!
aaahh Love it!
I would agree with Dolly on this one. I am either depending on my mood and more and more I NEED my alone time. I am preferring to be alone so that I can re-charge. Although I am very comfortable in a crowd or as a leader, too much leaves me feeling drained and ready to hide out for a while. So I keep the balance.
I didn’t expect to hear from so many Extroverts/on-the-fencers! I’m actually pretty excited about it – it’s cool hearing the other side. Sounds like you’ve got the best of both worlds too, lucky you.
I used to be more extraverted, like you describe yourself - I was more comfortable in groups and didn’t mind going out fairly often. But it seems like as I get older, I’m becoming more introverted…Which is scary, since I’m only 24! Am I hermit-bound? Maybe I’m being dramatic – perhaps some balance is what I need.
Nice to see you again Lori!
Awesome defense of introverts! I’m also an extrovert (ENFJ or ENFJ depending on my mood when I take the test) – but lately I’ve been feeling more and more introvert tendencies. In fact I wrote about that very thing a couple of months ago: http://grownupmom.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/extrovert-or-introvert/
And I’ve always been very shy – so that debunks THAT particular myth!
I’m gravitating toward introverts as people I want to know more these days. Introverts are thinkers and go deep. It’s true they sometimes make us extroverts uneasy because they don’t just blab about anything that pops into their head like we often do. Instead they tend to think carefully before speaking. I respect that, but sometimes I get antsy in the silence.
Thanks Sarah! I just checked out your post and loved it. In fact, I left you a very lengthy comment (oops – sorry! I can get carried away. :p )
A shy extrovert? I had no idea. Sounds like I’m seriously misinformed about extroverts too – maybe someone needs to make a post for the E’s!
Well, if you wanna get to know introverts, here’s one for ya!
We really do have a lot to say, it’s just a matter of getting it out of our brains and into coherent sentences…This is why I think a lot of introverts are writers – it’s easier to get our thoughts to make sense when we have the time and space to organize them. That’s also probably why we don’t talk a lot – things often come out jumbled when we have to speak intelligently on the spot.
I know I keep saying “we”…I’m not trying to speak for ALL I’s, I’m just sayin’, generally…Y’know..
Hi Kaylee, Extrovert here, my interpretation of the difference between us is that extroverts get there energy from other people while introverts make their own. Seemingly Obama is an introvert you would never think that possible in that career!
Hey Ciara
Yup, that’s how I think of it too, in terms of energy. It does seem odd that an introvert would be in such a career, but honestly, I LOVE public speaking. I shut down at a party, but put me in front of a crowd and ask me to give a speech? No problem. Seems weird, but it works!
I think you’re right, Jane. There’s a time and a place for everything, en ebb and flow of introversion and extroversion. Thanks for your input.
kay kay- i just found out you were writing these types of posts! i love it! please email them to me or put me on a subscription list to receive any and all posts written by you (email address: rachel@kennethhubbardlaw.com). i love you girl and i miss you! Us both being introverts is prolly why we got along so well together when we first met and starting hanging out! Your post also made me think of forest park and relationships and how hard it is to be in a relationship with an extrovert when you’re an introvert. this made me think about how we used to talk about our relationship problems and i definitely feel like this can sometimes cause problems in a relationship. I know from experience….being married to an extrovert…. it’s difficult at times, but i totally agree with your post. good job hun and love you!
Aw thanks girl!
I’m glad you like it!
But there are ways to work through it, like you and your hubby do. 
That probably is why we clicked…Us introverts need to stick together, ha ha. The introvert/extrovert thing can definitely cause problems in a relationship – you used to hear all about it.
Love you too Ra! Really glad to hear from you. Catch up with me on FB anytime!!