Exactly one week ago, I was driving to a job interview a good hour away.
Prepared for the usual anxiety that comes with putting myself on display, I was surprised when it didn’t come.
You see, from the moment I found out about the interview until then, I had been talking to myself about it. I told myself that I was just going to see if it was the right opportunity for me, that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get the position, etc.
But above all, I made one promise to myself: to be authentic.
In previous interviews, I tried selling myself; that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
You’re supposed to put on your brightest smile, be as bubbly as possible, and sell your strengths to the position while downplaying any weaknesses.
Typically, my “weaknesses” have been huge problems in the sales world: I’m sensitive, compassionate, calm and don’t like being pushy.
But I decided that, problematic or not, those “weaknesses” are a part of who I am. And I stopped seeing them as weaknesses or problems. They’re just me. And the position that is right for me will be one that values those characteristics.
With that realization and my commitment to authenticity, the pressure was off. I enjoyed the long drive out there, and literally felt NO anxiety. None!
Lemme tell ya, I was shocked. That never happens to me – ever! No matter how much pep-talking I do.
I guess this time was different…because instead of trying to fit myself to the position, I promised to be myself. I envisioned the interview and me being completely genuine, I felt the amazing feeling afterward of keeping my promise.
And that’s exactly what I did. I went in there and was just me: calm, a little quiet, honest.
…And seven days later, I’m getting ready for my first training session.
I’ll be honest, I feel a little uncertain. After 4 months of unemployment, of managing my time as I see fit, am I ready to let someone else plan my days?
Will I be able to maintain Zen Caffeine? Can I continue my other creative pursuits? Or will I get sucked back into a life of drudgery?
I really can’t answer any of these questions. I don’t know what will happen as I start this job.
But I do know that I am connected to the Source – I am the Source. I have a clear picture in my head of where I want to go and what I want to do with my time on this Earth…As long as I’m authentic and listen to my intuition, I’ve gotta be on the right path.
So now, as I write this, I’m shaking off the questions. Dwelling on them won’t bring me answers, but it will bring me anxiety.
I’m choosing a different way. I’m going to, as suggested by one of my favorite quotes, “live the questions” :
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. - Rainer Maria Rilke
I don’t know what’s going to happen, but there are a few things I am fairly certain of (as much as one can be):
- This job is so me. I’m basically half caregiver, half life coach. I get to help a woman with disabilities with goal setting, budgeting, cooking…We partner together to enrich her life. Can you say perfection?
- I’m connected to my dreams. I am my dreams. The experiences I’m having now will only contribute to my growth as a life coach, public speaker, life changer.
- I’m on the right path. You know how I know? Because I’m being authentic and I’m listening to myself…And it just feels right.
…Yep. That’s about all I know. And I’m okay with that.
Peace, love and a steaming cup of Zen,
- K
