Hell, I’ve said it before on this very blog. But I take it back.
Yeah, the comparison game can suck. It’s the fastest way I know of to experience jealousy and feel lack in your own life.
A few weeks ago, I was comparing hardcore. At first, it brought out the green-eyed monster in me (oh wait, I already have green eyes…). But then I discovered the true nature of the beast:
Examining your jealousy is a fast-track to understanding your values.
So, guys n gals – wanna play detective?
Where do you compare?
I don’t know about you, but I play the game when I’m on Facebook. It’s never intentional, but by the time I’m done browsing, I forget how much I love my life and end up wanting someone else’s.
Does this happen to you?
Three profiles in, I end up wanting to be a traveling musician/vegan activist who lives in the big city with her wonderful husband and two darling kids.
Problem? I want almost NONE of that! Maybe the husband – maybe.
It’s odd, isn’t it? When you play the comparison game, it can leave you wanting things you never knew you wanted.
Probably because you don’t actually want them.
False wants vs actual desires
Sometimes when you play the comparison game, you’re jealous of something you actually want, like a book launch, tighter friendships or a baby. These are real desires, and your jealousy probably makes sense to you.
Other times, you feel jealous about something you don’t even want, which can leave you feeling pretty annoyed. Like me and city living – there’s no way I’d last in the city! I’m a nature girl through and through, but over the years I’ve tried to convince myself that city living is for me. Why?
Because lying beneath the surface of those false wants are true values – can you find yours?
Look for themes in your jealousy
This is a game, remember? So throw on your trench coat and detective hat and take a good, big-picture look at your jealousies. Is there a theme?
Within my false wants, you can see a few themes: creative expression, health and vibrant, passionate living. That’s what I’m missing – not veganism, babies or city living.
If a pattern isn’t obvious, try asking yourself: What about ___ do I really value? And fill in the blank with your false wants:
- Do you really value having children? Or are you missing the strong connection of family?
- Do you really value living out of a backpack in the desert for a month? Or are you missing more adventure in your life?
Take a look, dig deep, and uncover your true values.
Do something about it
Now that you’ve sledged through the crap to find your values, the game gets really fun. You get to change your life! Whee!
Now that you’re aware of the true values underneath those false wants, what can you do with ‘em? Instead of comparing and wishing, what can you do to make it happen in your own life?
- If you want stronger family ties, can you have more heartfelt talks and family game nights?
- If you’re craving more adventure, can you take a short trip? Or do something that scares you?
Beneath my false want of veganism, I found the desire for a healthier lifestyle. So I got back on track and am eating tons more veggies. Under the false want of roaming the country with a band, I discovered a desire for more creative expression and limit-stretching. So I registered for a ballet class – something I’ve been wanting to do since I was a kid! (Eeee!)
You get it. Look at your values, brainstorm ideas to incorporate them into your life, and then… Act! Only then will you love your life more and think about theirs less.
Get grateful about your own life
Jealousy is such a gross feeling. I don’t like to dwell there too long, so if all else fails, do you know the fastest way outta green-eyed-monster-mode?
I know, everyone’s telling you about gratitude. But it’s so useful! It makes you happier, healthier, wiser, hotter, richer and cooler. Okay..Maybe not all of those. But being grateful is one of the fastest paths out of Emerald city.
So now that you got what you came for, opt out of the comparison game. Forget what everyone else has – focus on what YOU have, and what you’re creating. And be grateful for it!
Speak your truth: Do you play the comparison game? How can you use it to help you find and create from your values?
Peace, love and a steaming cup of Zen,